It all started to go downhill for me when I was about 12 or 13 years old. I was living on a council estate in Wandsworth, South London with my mum and no dad. The only people to look up to were the ‘olders’ on the estate, who I saw selling drugs and getting in trouble with the law – I was around this a lot.
I didn’t really care about my arrest at the time and felt quite cool
The first time I was arrested was at 13 years old – we egged someone’s car and the police were called. I tried to run, but was arrested and given a Section Five (of the Public Order Act). This was a bit of a turning point for me – and not in a good way. I didn’t really care at the time and felt quite cool. I knew I would just get a slap on the wrist.
A bit later came more of a big incident for me. We’d learn to stay away from our own doorstep and instead would rob bikes in other areas of London, making a day of it and coming back to our estate to smoke and drink afterwards – it became a regular routine. We knew a guy who would buy the bikes off us and I’d used the money to feed my addiction, as I’d started smoking weed heavily by then. This then led to us robbing kids coming home from schools as a way of getting income for ‘draw’ and alcohol – we were getting more ballsy by then and adrenaline-fuelled. We then progressed to robbing a shop and, afterwards – all hyped up with alcohol in our systems – a man on the street started giving us some lip, which led to one of friends beating him up and us all joining in to give him blows. The police were there in a matter of minutes, but we were gone in seconds. We kept moving and it was frightening, as we heard the man was badly hurt. I was arrested afterwards, at my school (who subsequently dispelled me), for Actual Bodily Harm (ABH), which was a big jump from my minor first arrest and the prosecutor told me this as I was handed over to the care of the Youth Offending Team in Blackshaw Road for twice weekly support work – essentially, the last option before being sent to prison.
At Blackshaw Road, when I was doing community service and having support sessions, I would see others I knew from my world of crime. Even during this time, I had a few more minor arrests for stealing bikes. I had also been dealing drugs for a couple of months at this point. (Heroin and crack – or “light and dark” as we called them – although I never took these myself). One of the older lads dropped us off just off the North End Road Estate with the drugs in the morning and we needed to have sold them all by the end of the day.
It was such a shock when I was sentenced and handcuffed by a huge security guard – a really eerie feeling with his massive shadow looming over me
I was going to the Youth Court in Balham such a lot that, one time, my solicitor suggested I bring an overnight bag “just in case”, but I didn’t take it seriously. It turns out I should have done, as – that day – I was sentenced to 8-12 months in Feltham Young Offenders Institute. It was awful in the court and my mum was screaming. I knew five other people outside the courtroom waiting for their sentencing – it was like a Youth Club! It was such a shock when I was sentenced and handcuffed by a huge security guard – a really eerie feeling with his massive shadow looming over me. I didn’t have the opportunity to register being taken downstairs to wait for the van to take me to Feltham.
In the holding cell, I started sobbing to myself as the reality sunk in that this was going to be my life for the next eight months. I was waiting in this cell what felt like a long time, whilst my solicitor was (as I found out later) fighting my case. In an incredibly rare set of events, I was not taken away in the van, but instead brought back upstairs and re-sentenced that very same day to twelve months on a curfew of 7am to 6pm each day with an electronic tag. I can’t tell you how pleased I was not to be going to prison! During this time, I wasn’t actively involved in any crime, although I hung around with friends who were, and I finally had my tag removed.
In the holding cell, I started sobbing to myself as the reality sunk in that this was going to be my life for the next eight months
I then experienced one of the biggest turning points in my life, when my first child was born in June 2012. I always say that if I didn’t have her, I would be dead or in jail. The birth of my little girl did mean that I needed to leave college two months into my second year to go out and make some money to support her and her mother. There was no longer any thought of crime going through my mind and I was applying for any and everything, including apprenticeships. I got into an IT Sales apprenticeship when I was 16, as I needed the money, even though I never saw myself working with computers or in sales. Consequently, I was really bad at the job and they eventually had to sit me down for a talk and they let me go. The money I had saved lasted a couple of months, but I was now jobless.
I applied for lots of jobs and then saw a scheme called Spearhead that helps young people improve their chances of employment through interview skills training, CV formatting and customer service skills. Even though we needed to apply for jobs throughout this scheme, I didn’t get one, but I showed a lot of enthusiasm and was always getting involved and putting myself forward. Two weeks before the end of this scheme, they picked two of us for a week’s work experience at a law firm to build up our CVs. Miraculously, at this time, a vacancy opened up in the law firm for a Trademark Assistant and, after two interviews, I was offered the job. I was so relieved, as I was down to my last £150 of savings!
I felt good. I was making good money and effectively making a life
I worked at the law firm for a number of years. I felt good. I was making good money and effectively making a life. I had started going to the gym to lose weight, was eating healthily and taking the stairs instead of the lift. This was so effective that I then needed to increase the weights at the gym to put muscle on! I was also going to the Training Resource Centre, which was a nice comforting place to go – a bit like a youth club. It was here that I met Zara, who taught yoga to us for free. I was still going to the gym at this point, but I started to see huge improvements from the yoga – in terms of my flexibility, mental state and weight. I was also looking on the web and seeing cool, strong yoga guys doing headstands and this really drove it home for me, so I began to increase my yoga and reduce my gym sessions.
The yoga studio where Zara worked, The House of Yoga, offered a scheme where you get reduced class rates for working there. I loved going to that place, which was very community-orientated and felt like my second home – although I must have looked a bit out of place there as a young black guy with lots of tattoos! I started doing more yoga and, after a year of my practice getting stronger, I mentioned to Zara that I wanted to become a teacher. This was pretty expensive, but Zara was amazing and sorted it all – she knew how to get grants for me and the yoga studio owner was also kind. I did my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training over six months at weekends, which consisted of very long days. I didn’t drink on the days beforehand, because I wanted to give it my all – you get out what you put in.
I love what I do and I know how fortunate I have been
I started teaching classes for staff at the law firm where I worked. This was initially once a week and then it increased as employers started to recognise the importance of mindfulness and well-being. I had also gone to the Head of HR to ask for an advance on my wages, after some money troubles, and she instead paid me for one-to-one yoga sessions – my first private yoga client! I had a busy schedule, once I qualified, teaching yoga at the law firm before work and at lunchtimes, doing my full-time job and working at The House of Yoga in the evenings.
I was getting so much in touch with yoga that I was able to see clearly the lack of balance in my life and I wanted to teach yoga full-time. I was not paying as much attention to my job as I should been and they took me aside to let me know I needed to be a bit more professional. I knew this wasn’t where I wanted to be, but – financially – it was where I needed to be. One of the partners, who was incredibly kind (and whose wife I was teaching yoga) offered me a choice: improve my performance through a formal Performance Improvement Plan and, if this didn’t work, I’d have to leave or take half a year’s salary and follow my dream of becoming a full-time yoga teacher. Whilst this was the offer of a lifetime, it was a hard decision for me as I had a family to support and needed this job.
I started to see huge improvements from the yoga – in terms of my flexibility, mental state and weight
My flatmate helped open my eyes and I took the money, paying my landlord several months in advance and have been teaching yoga ever since. I teach at a number of local studios and gyms. I have lived with my current partner nearly five years and we have a little boy who will be two in May. Whilst it’s been challenging during the pandemic, I love what I do and I know how fortunate I have been. I was given second chances and encouragement. I have yoga and I have hope in the form of my children.
Hope looks different to everyone, but it is there if you look for it
My advice to others who find themselves involved in crime and drugs from a young age, like I did, is to seek the hope. Hope looks different to everyone, but it is there if you look for it. As clichéd as it may sound, never give up on hope.